Cellars Restaurant and Lounge

Basics: $5 well drinks; $4-5 wine and champagne; $2.95 draft beer; $4-7 food. Daily specials run 4:00 p.m. to close Sunday and Monday, 4:00 to 7:00 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday.

One of the things I love most about Belltown is the front-row-center season ticket I hold to the endless revivals of Homeless Guy Theatre.

That’s not meant to sound callous: I’ve lived Downtown going on five years now, so I’m quite accustomed to hobos, pan handlers and crack addicts. Disassociation has become a necessary evil with the constant interactions. (Though, to be fair, there could be any number of drugs tweaking said addicts’ systems – not specifically crack – so it’s incorrect and short-sighted of me to assume rock candy is their drug du jour.)

But: back to alcohol.

On warmer days, Cellars opens its garage-style windows, creating a mixer of bar and patio areas. Staffers pull gauzy curtains aside to reveal an undoubtedly urban view: articulated busses, commuters desperately trying to navigate First Avenue, and the sun setting over Elliot Bay behind Belltown Billiards, a weekend hot spot/pool hall/hetero meat market.

On this particular of warmer days, however, there was a bit more than the sunset to drink in. Outside the patio fence swayed a matted-haired homeless guy alternately yelling at passing traffic and taking swigs off a three-quarters empty screw-top bottle of Hogue Cellar’s pinot grigio. After he sealed the bottle and nestled it safely near his dusty, tore-up backpack, he vacillated between dancing a wine-fueled jig, puffing off of what seemed to be a never-ending supply of smokes, and staring down drivers as they stop at Blanchard’s red light.

Three waitresses attempted to ask him to leave, but it was the fourth one who actually succeeded: a Latina waitress, the first trio being white. It was at this point I began to suspect the bum in question was not only somewhat of a wino, but also a teensy bit racist. He did eventually pack up the almost-empty bottle and teeter down the street, much to the relief of two businessmen who had been seated on the patio and witnessed the majority of his antics.

Not five minutes after the the wine chugger had left, a well-dressed lady joined the suits outside, placing the following order: “I’ll have a glass of champagne. Oh and go ahead and put some vodka in it.”

Now why would I spend so much time focusing on what happened at a happy hour rather than reviewing the bar itself? Because Cellars is pretty much unexceptional all the way around. The drink specials look promising enough, but both my martini and Manhattan ($5 each) came loaded with melted-down ice cubes, either a rookie mistake or a lazy, inexcusable error. Even the décor is pretty standard: “It has that industrial look with exposed brick and overhead ventilation ducts,” the APIC* said. “Then you throw in a few chandeliers and you’ve got yourself a post-modern, formulaic happy hour bar.”

Quel formulaic, indeed.

Cellars Restaurant and Lounge. 2132 First Ave (First and Blanchard), Seattle’s Belltown. Daily 4:00-7:00 p.m., 4:00 p.m. to close Sundays and Mondays.

Barrio

Basics: $6-7 margaritas; $5 sangria and select wines; $3 Mexican beers; $3-5 small plates; $1 smoked salt caramels. Daily specials run 3:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.; evening specials run Sundays through Thursdays 10:00 p.m. to midnight, Fridays and Saturdays from 11:00 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Walking into Barrio, particularly on a rainy Seattle afternoon, you could see why the metal letters spelling out the restaurant’s name next to the entrance are rusted. Understandable: it’s Seattle. It rains here. We get wet. Now where can I hang my umbrella?

Once inside, though, the bar's fascinatingly cobbled-together décor vanquishes most thoughts of overcast skies. Barrio makes excellent use of its space, combining wood, metal and concrete with remarkable ease. Square angles and curved arcs playfully banter throughout the main dining area. Molé-colored walls contrast against a dozen or so splintery espresso-colored 4x6 beams suspended from the ceiling over a swooping fireplace.

And of course: the candles. So many goddamn candles. A thick, latticed grid separates the two dining areas, supporting hundreds of luminous pillar candles. The rear dining area features several more dozen spiraling down from the ceiling, their flames flickering and shimmying off the maize-colored walls. (Side note: Cameron, Barrio's general manager, assures me each candle is lit by hand every night. On closer inspection the candles, at least in the latticework wall, look to be faux pillars rigged with oil lamps. Either way, the effect is striking and impossible to overlook.)

On the whole, Barrio sports a rugged, masculine décor, anchored in strong, bold statements and supported by other subtler elements of design. Coincidentally or not, the beverages are the same: bold flavors with subtle undertones to enhance, elevate and improve.

The APIC* and I are, admittedly, accustomed to simple, formulaic drinks when going out: he the vodka and ginger as of late, I the vodka soda as of always. When we sidled up to the Barrios snaking bar, covered in a mosaic of jagged, uneven porcelain chips, we felt inspired to order something more sophisticated and adult.

(And by “inspired” I mean that Barrio doesn’t list well drinks for happy hour, so we were pretty much screwed as far as two-note sippables.)

The margaritas ($6), frankly, can be dangerous and go down entirely too easily. On the specialty drink menu, the rum-based PFC Punch #1 ($10) was by far the favorite of the four we ordered: a sweet, peachy cocktail packing the tiniest trace of alcoholic assault that subtly stings all the way down.

The tacos ($3) were stuffed to the point where a knife and fork made more practical sense than attempting to eat by hand. The pork loin al pastor is particularly worth mention: the spicy, red sauce blended together well with onions, cilantro and pineapple extras.

The bar packs up after happy hour, and I mean really packs up. On a Wednesday there was a steady stream of people waiting up to 15 minutes for seating. It was around this point when the place grew too loud for the APIC*, which I will concede is one of Barrio's few detractors: with all the exposed concrete and metal, there's not a lot going on as far as sound absorption.

Walking out more bleary-eyed than before (thank you, expert bartenders!), and struggling to push open the heavy Mexican mission-style doors, we again came face-to-face with the restaurant’s rusted letters. After spending some time in the interior, it’s as if these patinaed letters play off the masculine decor, foreshadowing what first-timers can expect inside.

Whether that's by design or by the booze, I'll let you decide.

Barrio. 1420 12th Ave (12th between Pike and Union), Seattle’s Capitol Hill (Also 10650 NE 4th St, Bellevue). Daily 3:00-6:00 p.m.; late night Sundays through Thursdays 10:00 to midnight, Fridays and Saturday 11:00 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Kristos

Basics: $4 well drinks, $3 Bud Lights, $3.75 draft beers, $5 wines, $2-7 small plates. Daily specials run 3:00 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. to close. Well vodka: McCormick’s.


Upon entering Kristos, patrons are almost asphyxiated by the color blue: the walls are painted a deep, lustrous cobalt that looms its way up to the second story loft. Teensy, delicate ultramarine-colored occasional lamps dangle in clusters over the tables. Even the booth's seat backs are upholstered in a roughly thatched fabric of steel blue.

Built in behind the bar is an irregular patchwork of darkened champagne-colored stone, like something out of The Brady Bunch den (but in a very appealing way). Lithe purple tulips swoon out of bud vases, while pristine white orchids float completely submerged in water contained in wide-mouthed hurricane vases.

It’s a nice a scene to drink in as the generous gin and gingers poured here. A downright beautiful scene, in fact, until you look out the windows, reality kicks in, and you remember you’re getting a buzz on under the freeway.

Kristos is gorgeous but would be better suited in trendier Belltown than right under Interstate 5’s Ship Canal Bridge. The sleek, glamorous bar with a soft-spoken electronica soundtrack has little in common with the overly claustrophobic Serafina or the beer-sloshed Zoo Tavern, two of Eastlake's mainstays. But it seems to be working. Eastlake has already undergone a metamorphosis in the past few years, acquiring a half-dozen or so swank and trendy condo complexes and a few specialty boutiques. Maybe Kristos is sign of things to continue to come in this neighborhood.

But none of that matters during happy hour. This Greek-inspired lounge is consistently busy as customers continually fill the blue-underlit bar. The drinks, tonight poured by Kristo himself (or Chris, as he’s better known), were heavy handed, which is exactly what a rail drink should be. The chicken Caeser ($7) was fairly unremarkable, though the Greek salad ($5) came as a hearty, heaping mound of chopped cucumbers, bell peppers, tomatoes, Kalamata olives, red onions and feta. Not the most outstanding salad ever, but it more than did the job of filling our drunk stomachs.

Kristos. 3218 Eastlake Ave E (Eastlake and Harvard), Seattle’s Eastlake. Daily 3:00-6:30 p.m., late night 10:00 p.m. to close.

Vermillion

Basics: $3 well drinks, $3 Washington wines, $1 off other drinks. Daily specials run 4:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Closed Mondays.


Art galleries and alcohol can make the perfect joint venture: booze, more often than not, can fuel the crazy Bohemian spirit within. Many Seattle bars – The Hideout or Grey, for example – mix the paintbrush with a Pisco Sour to mellifluous results. Vermillion, on the other hand, is more akin to a fine Champagne flute brimming with flat Andre Cold Duck.

I chalk most of it up to the architecture: Vermillion is essentially an art gallery – that happens to include a bar. Little, if anything, is done to join the two. They meet only to pass one patron off to the other, neither customer fully realizing what it is they’ve come for.

All is not lost at Vermillion: the drinks were strong enough to warrant a toast at $3 each. The septuplet of uneven rattan lanterns mixed with skylights made for a welcoming and well-stocked bar. A simple, compelling, geometric wine rack cradled an impressive array of whites and reds.

As nice enough a place it was, we never felt Vermillion truly understood what it wanted to be: a gallery, bar, or gallery/bar hybrid. The juxtaposition between the overly bright art space crammed next to – rather than ingratiated in to – the dark bar area was too jarring for us to feel completely at ease while there.

Which probably explains why we only spent 20 minutes before we moved on for more drinks.

Vermillion. 1508 11th Ave (11th and Pike), Seattle’s Capitol Hill. Daily 4:00 p.m.-7:00 p.m.; closed Mondays.

UPDATE: Grey, mentioned above, is now closed. Sad day.

Fado

Basics: Monthly rotating drink specials; $3-5 small plates; Weekday specials run 4:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m.


Four words for you: Best. French. Fries. Ever.

The APIC’s* uncommon obsession with deep-fried foods rivals his need for oxygen. Sadly, this has led to many late-night hot dog stands and several trips to Dick’s to nosh on the grease-bathed hypocrisy that betrays our health-conscious, gym-going nature.

(Side note: whoever decided to put cream cheese on a hot dog should either be martyred or canonized … I honestly can’t tell which is more appropriate.)

Normally I avoid anything drowned in scalding oil, but these fries! Sweet. Juicy. Plump. Subtly seasoned. If anyone knows their way around a potato, it’s the Irish.

For those unaware, Fado is a small national chain with restaurants in 11 states that specializes in Irish pub fare. Bangers and mash? Yes. Corned beef and cabbage? Fado has it, as well as “the best-poured Guinness I’ve ever had in Seattle,” says my Irish-born college roommate Pat, who lists Fado among his top reasons to move to the Puget Sound after graduating.

Fado mixes the traditional Irish pub with new-fangled technology: it’s one of the few places in the city that broadcasts international soccer games live via satellite regardless of local time, and not just during the World Cup. Die-hard Manchester fans can find themselves cheering at 5:30 a.m. Seattle time if they really need their football fix. Plus, how many bars would pour a brew at that hour?

And while the pub can draw out the inner hooligan, Fado hosts the bookish type too, at one of the city’s most popular trivia nights. (Wednesdays. 6:30. It gets ridiculously crowded.)

Would I go back on a regular basis? Probably not: the drinks weren’t all that strong and the seating became increasingly uncomfortable the longer we stayed. But the next time my dad is in town and asks me what’s a good place to grab a beer? I know exactly where to take him.

Fado. 801 First Ave (First and Columbia), Seattle’s Pioneer Square. Weekdays 4:00-7:00 p.m.

C.C.Attle's

Basics: $5 heavy pour double wells. All business hours.


Let’s you and I level a bit: CC’s is one of the gayest of the gay bars Seattle has to offer. If you’re not comfortable around burly homosexual men, you’d probably do better sliding down a razor blade into a pool of salted lemon juice rather than entering the Verandah Room.

(Hell, I remember how uncomfortable I felt my first time walking in. Here I am, this Seattle neophyte, entering behind this beefy man with what looked to be Brillo pads on his shoulders and biceps. He turns and grunts out, “Mm. Fresh meat.” To this day, I’m still haunted by his gut, which pushed the tensile strength of his ribbed cotton tank to its limits. These are not memories one easily forgets.)

But if you are comfortable around the lavender-types – and you happen to enjoy over-the-top drinks – CC’s is worth repeat visits. Happy hour never ends with $5 heavy-pour double wells spilling all afternoon and evening.

Let’s break that down: Happy hour never ends. Five dollar. Heavy-pour. Double wells. All. Day. Long.

That’s the equivalent of a pint glass full of gin with just a dash of tonic and lime, or a shit ton of vodka with a scant amount of Red Bull or orange juice.

While CC’s is a regular hot spot on the gay pub crawl circuit, the bar takes on a vastly different character and tone during daylight hours. People seemed more relaxed. Chill. Conversational. (Though, that may very well be because of a wicked buzz going: "God it's still strong," the APIC* slurred in the middle of his second. "Even after all the ice has melted.") CC's definitely ranks up there as one of Seattle’s friendliest gay bars.

That's not to say a visit here is an uplifting experience: happy hour here is anything but. Gay dive bars have a history of depressing atmospheres. For decades they've acted as gathering spots and watering holes to outcast and downtrodden homosexuals. And while we're living in a much more progressive era, that mentality is in the genetics of queer dive bars. So, no, CC's patrons aren't moping around attempting to slash their wrists - but they certainly aren't acting the height of hilarity, either.

As far as drowning sorrows in a Jack and Coke, one could do a lot worse. These drinks require an iron liver. They're strong enough, in fact, to knock the APIC* and I out after a few. And knock us so far out, actually, that one of us left his debit card after closing out.

(And, no, it wasn’t me.)

C.C. Attle’s. 1501 E Madison St (15th and Madison), Seattle’s Central District. Weekdays noon to 2:00 a.m., weekends 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 a.m.

UPDATE: C.C.'s officially closed it's doors September 30, 2010 due to construction of the forthcoming Cascadia Center, a six-story commercial building. Since then, C.C.'s manager Chris Daw has (semi-officially) announced the bar will take over the space currently occupied by Cafe Metropolitain at 1701 E Olive Way (E Olive Way and Boylston Ave E).

Bai Pai

Basics: $3 well drinks and select beer; $3.75 select wine; $4.25 small plates. Specials run Sundays, Wednesdays, Thursdays 4:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.; Mondays and Tuesdays 4:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.


Though I live smack in the middle of Seattle’s Downtown retail core, I work just North of the University District in the Roosevelt neighborhood (named after Teddy, not Franklin Delano). Roosevelt is an interesting little corner of the city, home to hippies, Whole Foods, and countless yoga studios. It's also home to Roosevelt High School, one of Seattle's largest. And not entirely off-topic, it's home to the dry cleaner to whom I took my blazer two years ago after some RHS juniors egged me as I walked home after work.

Grr. As much as that night still ticks me off -- and it does -- it's not germane to happy hour. So I’ll digress.

Lately I've embraced the idea of getting out and exploring some Seattle's other neighborhoods. It's rare my circle of friends leave our Downtown/Capitol Hill boundaries, and I relished the opportunity to spend some time in Roosevelt's neighboring Ravenna to see what it has to offer. What it ended up offering, though, was a sobering reminder of why we should think twice before leaving our urban nest.

First impressions were (and to some extent still are) great: Bai Pai has a large, manicured dining area that maintains a strong intimate feeling and sports a brightly colored decor that doesn't overdo. The waitstaff was extremely friendly (not to mention drool-worthy attractive ... but again, I digress), and the small plates we had certainly did not disappoint.

But (and this is a big one). But the drinks were on-par with vacation Bible school Kool-Aid. The vodka soda I ordered had no trace of alcoholic oomph whatsoever. My three bucks would have been better spent on (shudder) Boone’s Strawberry Hill. Or better yet on a Budweiser Hurricane -- or, as we called it in college, “The Slurricane.”

As a restaurant, Bai Pai has gotten many an accolade for their food, and I should add another: the garlic string beans we had are actually pretty amazing. As a bar, however, I cannot stress this point enough: Skip. This. Happy hour.

You’ll find a better buzz at the Chevron a block away. Just, you know, try to keep it classy.

Bai Pai. 2316 NE 65th St (24th Ave NE and NE 65th St), Seattle’s Ravenna. Sundays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, 4:00-7:00 p.m. Mondays & Tuesdays, 4:00-10:00 p.m.